Confidence is one of the greatest gifts a parent can give a child. According to Carl Pickhardt, a psychologist and author of over 15 parenting books, he says a child that lacks confidence will be reluctant to try new or challenging things because he/she is afraid of failing or disappointing others, a situation which can end up stifling them later in life. Thomas Jefferson also says “Nothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal; nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong mental attitude.”
The enemies of confidence are “discouragement and fear”. So as parents, we must encourage and support our children as they try to tackle difficult tasks.
The question to ask when raising a child is not how to make your child confident but how to afford your child the opportunity to become confident. Let’s face it, we can’t make our children be or do anything. All we can do is encourage and give them the leverage. We must encourage our children to try new things, preferably things that excite them and provide them with the necessary tools to succeed.
Here are Eight (8) quick tips for raising confident children:
A. ALLOW THEM TO FAIL: doing too much for a child may actually undermine his confidence. Don’t rescue your child, let him/her learn from his/her mistakes. Trust me, that school project and the homework was not meant for parents to do but guide them ! Helicopter parenting debilitates a child and makes a child feel less capable.
B. TREAT THEIR MISTAKES AS BUILDING BLOCKS FOR LEARNING: Pinkhardt says, “Learning from mistakes builds confidence” and this can only happen when we as parents treat their mistakes as an opportunity to learn and grow. We should not be over-protective! We must let them mess up every now and then and help them understand how they can better approach their task next time.
C. ENCOURAGE PROBLEM-SOLVING: Let the children figure things out with minimal help. If you do the handwork for the children then they will never develop the abilities or the confidence to figure out problems on their own. In other words, it’s better for your child to get few “Bs” and “Cs” rather than straight “As” as long as they are actually learning how to solve the problems and do the work themselves.
D. WE CAN ALSO RAISE CONFIDENT CHILDREN BY HEALING OUR PAST: A child’s self-esteem is acquired and not inherited. Having a child gives you the opportunity to become the parent you wish you had. If you suffer from low self-esteem especially as a result of how you were parented, take deliberate steps to heal yourself and break the family pattern, so you don’t end u raising a child with low self-esteem.
E. LET THE CHILDREN ACT THEIR AGE: Don’t expect your child to act like an adult. Striving to meet advanced age expectations can reduce one’s confidence. Rather guide them to adulthood.
F. LET YOUR CHILD LEAD: One of the hardest aspects about letting your child lead is following his pace. All children work and develop at different speeds. Do not let that child feel he is not doing enough rather help him see what he could be doing better. Let your child take responsibilities at school, religious and social gatherings, it is a level of exposure you’re giving him/her
G. ENCOURAGE THEM TO TRY NEW THINGS: Sometimes, when our children ask too many questions, it can be really tiresome but we must encourage curiosity. The Guardian UK reported that when children start school, those from a household that encourage curious questions often have an edge over their classmates because they have practiced taking in information from their parents and that translates to taking in information from the teacher. That makes them learn faster!
H. MODEL CONFIDENCE YOURSELF: Your children watch your activities and your reaction to life issues. You need t set good examples by modeling self confidence. Your studying for an examination before your child shows him/her that success is achievable though normal processes. Your reaction to wrong accusations and insults from others shows a lot. Your ability to express yourself clearly to the children, your spouse and others is a simple way to model confidence. You can discuss your work achievements and obstacles and how you overcame them with the family provided they are not sensitive.
Finally, stop shouting and screaming everyday! Children don’t like it
There can be no substitute to raising a confident child. A child raised to be confident always leads. Therefore parents should do their best to assist in instilling self confidence in our children, if we really want them to be the leaders of tomorrow.
Source: Big Life Journal, Grange PTA Journal